An Open Letter To My Dad

Father’s Day is approaching. I’m missing you a little more today, Dad. I dreaded so awfully last year not being able to buy you a gift, pick you out a card, or call to express how much I love you. To hear your voice again would be pretty amazing. One thing is for certain though.  I’ll be doing things a little differently this Father’s Day. Instead of sulking, I’ll be celebrating! I’ll be celebrating the man that you were, not the father I thought you should have been at times, and the ways in which I can improve at being a better parent.

I would not say that our father-daugther relationship was the most ideal. I mean, what does that even mean, anyway. I think we had our issues just like anyone else. Perhaps I drove you absolutely bonkers. I am raising a strong-willed one as well and can understand if that was a challenge for you. This for sure, I never questioned whether or not you loved me. The time you called me your friend is one of the best memories I have. I’m incredibly thankful for the way our relationship transformed over the years. Not that it was perfect, but it was something to be proud of and one that I can only thank God for. As a parent myself, I’ve come to realize that you did your best with what you were given and with the love you were shown and for that, I appreciate you for the exact father you were, flaws and all, for I recognize my own flaws when it comes to the way I parent and how I show my children what love is.  Truth is, I can lose my temper from time to time. I totally get it, Dad. The frustrations of parenting can overwhelm. I’m more like you than I ever realized. It’s not my proudest moment when I have sad little eyes starring back at me, pouty lips and all, displeasure running down their sweet faces at something I’ve said. Thoughts of inadequacy creep in. Lies erupt. I think I know exactly what they’re thinking. Along with, where did nice mommy go? I’ve gotten really good at apologizing in these moments. And they are few, but stand out as if I’m ruining them for life. It’s simply not so. They’re loved and loved well. I’m charting my own course here, along with what I’ve been given, and that’s something to celebrate.  So I’ll choose not to believe the lies and celebrate exactly who I am as a parent and seek the ways in which I can improve. And thank you for loving my children so well too.

I’ll also celebrate one of the best gifts that you and Mom have given me. That is, to celebrate life and show my children a healthy example when it comes to living and handling matters that arise here on earth. They need and deserve a positive example in whatever comes my way so they know how to properly conduct and lead their own lives in a healthy manner. And they need to be loved, really loved and shown respect with the right amount of correction in order for them to value themselves, each other and to extend that love and respect to others. Thank you for your correction along the way. Even harsh at times, it did me some good. I know you’d be upset at all the issues that have arose here on earth. And while I still don’t watch the news, I’m informed. Children today seem so far out of touch with what’s real. The new normal is anything but normal. Social media is like the good, the bad and the ugly. I know how much you loved westerns. Mental illness has many names. We need to want more for ourselves in getting the proper help here, fighting for whatever it is that we need in order to not project negatively on our children. Some of our youth don’t value life perhaps because they’ve never been given a healthy example or a reason to believe in anything beyond themselves. We should be giving them many. And that’s where I intend to improve, Dad. So while I won’t be picking you out that perfect Hallmark card or wracking my brain about what to get you this year, I will be remembering you with love and celebrating the many joys that come with being a parent. And of course I won’t forget to honor the son you never had and always wanted, the one you grew to love as your own, the one that I get to share in this parenting journey with, Nick. Thanks for everything, Dad. Until I see you again.

All my love, Tara.

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” (NIV, Proverbs 22:6).