New Year, New Word.

As 2018 comes to a wrap, I’m contemplating what was and charged about what 2019 will hold. Are you? I’m done with making resolutions that I won’t keep and that just bring disappointment or guilt when not fulfilled. So, I’ve decided on one word to approach the new year with. The word that keeps popping up for me for 2019 is the word, nourish. What phases me about this word is how I’ll steward it. I mean it sounds like a healthy word, right?

2018! I wish I could say it was a gentler year. Although I consider myself healthy, this year landed me in the ER and in the offices of a cardiologist, a urologist, a nephrologist and a gastroenterologist. One somewhat simple scan had me making appointments with all of these at the same time. It was scary to say the least, but I wasn’t about to let any of it define me or allow it to negatively affect me or my family. And while I have an abnormal amount of fluid around my heart, which was an incidental finding and one I’ll continue to be monitored for, and hereditary issues associated with my liver and kidneys that are not causing any issues, I know that the fact that I don’t have to be on ANY sort of medication is a blessing. I am convinced that every single choice I make can positively or negatively affect my health. From what I eat and who I listen to, to what I think and therefore do, it’s all connected. I must nourish every part of my being meanwhile knowing what will be, will be.

So, here’s the thing. There’s always a catch, right? I wrote a post a few months ago when I was going through, “a time.” We all have them and writing can be therapeutic and directive. I”ll share again with reference and honesty.

Intuition can be trusted. The more I seek to know God, the more I sense his guidance and know the path I ought to follow. Intuition as I once knew it becomes heightened in a less self-seeking way. And there a new struggle lies. It’s not just a hunch I get when something doesn’t seem right or is no longer attractive to me. It’s a nudge in the right direction, an outpouring of love from the One who wants for me to succeed and to fulfill my purpose. I say I trust God in everything but there’s some things I’m just not willing to let go of. I must remember that God is calling me to hold firm to His teaching and continue in my belief. While it’s natural to invite my own feelings, fears or rejections in, when I look at it from God’s perspective and through His Word, not through a worldly lens or through the eyes of others, it always works out for my good. It’s never to harm or destroy me. It’s simply for my good. It’s not about what’s right or wrong necessarily, it’s simply about what’s best. His love never fails me. But there’s some good things I have to be willing to let go of and some things of this world that sway me away from the truth that I must hold firmly against if I’m ever going to reach beyond where I am.  The longer I wait to address these promptings and refrain from being influenced fully by the values found in God’s Word, the more strife, anxiousness and chaos there will be in my life.

First of all, it’s good for me to go back and look at where my heart was at the time I wrote that. After I shared this with a few people, I got a call asking if everything was okay. Here’s the thing. I try to opt on the positive side of life. That’s my choice. Even in the painful and uncomfortable parts, I try to find a take away. This wasn’t always the case and I still don’t always get it right. Just ask my husband. I once believed life was all about being happy and doing what made me happy. But there’s only room for me in that way of thinking. I’ll only ever be chasing this or that if I only consider myself and my own happiness in my plans over God and others. Furthermore, writing gives me a lease to the outside world, one that isn’t my own. I don’t own anything. It’s not just for me, nor am I in seek of any reward from it. I’m doing what I’ve been called to do. Pure and simple. What the take away is for others is out of my control. What we believe is what we perceive. What might seem dark for some in reading, is enlightening for others.

Here’s what I’ve learned. However you feel you’re doing in life, that’s how you’re doing. If I tell myself my words don’t matter, they won’t. If I care more about what other’s think and what they approve of, I’m not living authentically or to what I’ve been called towards. What’s popular is the norm. What’s unpopular is at the heart of where I want to be. Don’t expect everyone to be on board with what you’re doing. Let it be good enough. Additionally, don’t accuse others of not being where you are. You do you. Let them do them. It shouldn’t be our job to change people, but to love them. If you feel the need to move in a new direction, start walking. Even baby steps are better than staying where you know you shouldn’t be.

Lastly, I don’t want easy. I want growth. I don’t want relatable. I want useful. Don’t be afraid once you reach far enough at the opposite end of the spectrum that it changes things. That’s called growth, my friend and it looks good on you. Change is inevitable and only costs you when you refuse to walk in it. So, lets get back to what I wrote above about intuition. There’s nothing more costly in my opinion than to be stuck in a situation or mindset that you know is not for you. Whatever it might be. You could be stuck in a relationship that is negatively affecting your health and growth. Alcoholism or abuse that once plagued your childhood, could be seriously affecting your adulthood, your health, your relationships and holding you back in not just one area of your life, but many. You may face mental or emotional issues on a daily basis that you know are also affecting your children but you don’t know what to do about it. My hope is that the right people and resources will come your way and that the chain will begin to be broken. The majority may judge what you’re going through but I’m here to tell you that you’re loved regardless of what you’re going through. You’re loved way more than anything you’re facing today.

So, I’ll choose nourish as my word this year. Whatever word you choose, if you decide to, I hope it takes you to new places, both the comfortable and uncomfortable. I wish you peace, love, health and prosperity in the New Year.

Let me know if you chose a word or have a story to share. I’d love to hear from you.

In Love and Friendship~